Separation ends the relationship between spouses or partners.
It does not necessarily end their relationship as parents.
Where parents continue sharing responsibility for their children, they may need to communicate about school, healthcare, activities, holidays, transportation and countless other decisions long after the separation itself is over.
This is commonly called co-parenting.
Effective co-parenting can provide children with stability during a major family transition. But it is equally important to recognize that highly cooperative co-parenting is not appropriate or realistic in every family, particularly where family violence or serious safety concerns exist.
What Does Co-Parenting Mean?
Co-parenting generally describes separated parents continuing to raise their children across separate households.
It does not require parents to be friends.
Successful co-parenting is often less about the relationship between the adults and more about maintaining predictable, child-focused communication.
What Does the Divorce Act Say?
The Divorce Act does not require every separated family to adopt one particular parenting model.
Instead, parenting arrangements must be based upon the child's best interests.
Relevant considerations include:
- stability;
- relationships with each parent;
- history of care;
- the child's views and preferences;
- plans for the child's care;
- each parent's ability to meet the child's needs;
- each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent;
- ability and willingness to communicate and cooperate; and
- family violence
Does Co-Parenting Mean 50/50 Parenting Time?
No.
Co-parenting and equal parenting time are not synonymous.
Parents can cooperate effectively while having different amounts of parenting time.
Likewise, an equal-time schedule does not necessarily mean the parents are effectively co-parenting.
There is no automatic presumption under the Divorce Act that children should spend exactly half their time with each parent.
Parenting Time vs. Decision-Making Responsibility
These concepts should also be distinguished.
Parenting time generally concerns the periods during which a child is in a parent's care.
Decision-making responsibility concerns significant decisions about a child's well-being, which can include matters relating to health, education, culture, language, religion and significant extracurricular activities.
The allocation of each depends upon the parenting arrangement and applicable Court order or agreement.
What Is a Parenting Plan?
A parenting plan can establish practical rules governing how parents will raise their children following separation.
A detailed plan may address:
- regular parenting schedules;
- holidays;
- summer vacations;
- birthdays;
- transportation;
- exchange locations;
- school decisions;
- medical decisions;
- extracurricular activities;
- communication with children;
- travel;
- passports;
- information sharing; and
- methods for resolving future disagreements
Clear expectations can prevent relatively minor disagreements from becoming recurring legal disputes.
Communication Between Co-Parents
Effective communication tends to be:
Brief.
Relevant.
Child-focused.
Respectful.
Parents do not necessarily need to agree about their past relationship to communicate effectively about a child's upcoming medical appointment.
Written communication can sometimes help reduce misunderstandings, particularly in higher-conflict relationships.
Don't Use the Child as a Messenger
Children should not be responsible for communicating parenting information.
“Tell your father you're staying here Friday.”
“Ask your mother whether she'll pay for hockey.”
“Tell Dad he owes me support.”
These conversations place children in adult disputes.
Parents should communicate directly or through an appropriate agreed method.
Supporting the Child's Relationship With the Other Parent
The Divorce Act requires courts to consider each parent's willingness to support the development and maintenance of the child's relationship with the other parent.
This does not mean pretending genuine safety concerns do not exist.
Where appropriate, children generally benefit from being free to care about both parents without feeling disloyal.
Co-Parenting and Family Violence
This is an important exception to generic advice about “better communication.”
Where family violence exists, highly cooperative co-parenting may be unsafe or inappropriate.
The Divorce Act specifically requires the Court to consider family violence and whether an arrangement requiring the parents to cooperate is appropriate.
The Court must also consider patterns of coercive and controlling behaviour.
A person should therefore not assume they are legally required to engage in extensive direct communication with an abusive former partner merely because they share children.
What Is Parallel Parenting?
In very high-conflict circumstances, a more structured arrangement sometimes described as parallel parenting may reduce direct interaction between parents.
The precise structure varies.
The objective is generally to allow each parent to exercise their parenting responsibilities while minimizing unnecessary conflict and direct communication.
Whether such an arrangement is appropriate depends upon the circumstances and the child's best interests.
What If Parents Cannot Agree?
Parents may potentially use:
- negotiation through lawyers;
- mediation;
- parenting coordination;
- arbitration;
- other family dispute-resolution processes; or
Court proceedings.
Not every dispute needs a judge.
At the same time, alternative dispute resolution is not suitable for every family, particularly where safety, power imbalances or family violence create concerns.
Parenting Coordinators
A parenting coordinator can sometimes assist parents with recurring disputes concerning the implementation of parenting arrangements.
This may be particularly useful where parents have an existing parenting structure but repeatedly disagree about practical details.
Ulasi Law Group discusses parenting coordination in Alberta separately in this series.
Creating a Child-Focused Co-Parenting Relationship
Useful principles include:
- keep adult relationship grievances separate from parenting;
- follow existing Court orders;
- be reliable with exchanges;
- communicate significant information;
- avoid criticizing the other parent around the child;
- maintain appropriate boundaries;
- give reasonable notice about scheduling issues;
- document important agreements;
- avoid using children as messengers; and
- seek help before recurring disputes become entrenched
Speak With an Edmonton Family Lawyer About Parenting Arrangements
A workable parenting structure should reflect the needs of the particular child and family.
There is no single co-parenting arrangement that works for everyone.
Ulasi Law Group helps parents in Edmonton and throughout Alberta negotiate parenting plans, resolve parenting disputes, change existing parenting arrangements and address high-conflict parenting matters. Contact our family-law team to discuss your situation.
This article provides general legal information only and does not constitute legal advice.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does co-parenting mean 50/50 custody?
No. Co-parenting describes how separated parents continue raising their children. It does not require equal parenting time.
Is 50/50 parenting presumed in Alberta?
No. Parenting arrangements are determined according to the child's best interests.
Do I have to communicate directly with my former spouse?
That depends upon the parenting arrangement and circumstances. Where family violence exists, requiring extensive cooperation may be inappropriate.
What is parallel parenting?
Parallel parenting generally refers to a more structured parenting arrangement designed to minimize unnecessary interaction between high-conflict parents.
Can we create our own parenting plan?
Parents can agree upon parenting arrangements, subject to applicable legal requirements and the child's best interests.
What happens if we cannot agree?
Negotiation, mediation, parenting coordination, arbitration or Court proceedings may potentially be available depending upon the circumstances.
Can a parenting plan be changed?
Parenting arrangements can potentially be changed by agreement or Court order, subject to the applicable legal requirements.