When a child begins resisting, avoiding or refusing contact with a parent following separation, emotions can escalate very quickly.
The rejected parent may believe the other parent has deliberately turned the child against them. The other parent may respond that the child's resistance is based on the child's own experiences.
These situations are sometimes described as parental alienation. But not every damaged parent-child relationship is the result of alienation.
In some cases, estrangement may provide a more appropriate explanation. In others, the situation may involve a complicated combination of parental conflict, family violence, a child's developmental needs, parenting behaviour and outside influences.
Understanding the distinction is important because the appropriate legal and therapeutic response can be very different.
What Is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is a term commonly used to describe circumstances in which a child's resistance or rejection of a parent is said to have developed through inappropriate influence or conduct by the other parent rather than from legitimate reasons arising from the child's relationship with the rejected parent.
Alleged behaviours can include:
- repeatedly criticizing the other parent in front of the child;
- involving the child in adult disputes;
- sharing inappropriate details about litigation;
- asking the child to choose sides;
- interfering with communication;
- creating the impression that enjoying time with the other parent is disloyal;
- making the child responsible for a parent's emotional well-being; or
- persistently undermining the child's relationship with the other parent
However, the existence of conflict between parents does not by itself prove alienation.
What Is Estrangement?
Estrangement generally describes deterioration in a parent-child relationship that has an understandable basis in the child's experiences with that parent.
For example, a child's reluctance to see a parent may potentially relate to:
- family violence;
- frightening behaviour;
- substance misuse;
- neglect;
- prolonged absence;
- inappropriate discipline;
- serious parent-child conflict;
- repeated broken promises;
- a child's perception that the parent does not understand their needs; or
- other experiences that have damaged trust
That distinction matters.
If a child has legitimate reasons to fear or resist a parent, treating the situation automatically as alienation can overlook the child's experiences and potentially create further harm.
A Child's Rejection Does Not Automatically Prove Alienation
One of the biggest mistakes in high-conflict parenting cases is starting with a conclusion.
A child refuses contact.
Therefore, one parent must be alienating the child.
That reasoning can be too simplistic.
The real question is why the relationship has deteriorated.
The answer may require examination of the child's history with both parents, the parents' conduct, family violence, communication patterns, the child's age and maturity, and other relevant circumstances.
What Does Alberta Family Law Focus On?
When a parenting dispute comes before the Court, the central issue is the child's best interests.
For married parents proceeding under the federal Divorce Act, the Court considers factors including:
- the child's need for stability;
- the nature and strength of the child's relationships;
- each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent;
- the history of care;
- the child's views and preferences, taking age and maturity into account;
- each parent's ability to care for the child;
- the parents' ability and willingness to communicate and cooperate; and
- family violence and its impact
The child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being receive primary consideration.
Allegations of alienation therefore do not exist outside the best-interests analysis.
What Is an Aligned Parent?
In high-conflict parenting cases, a child may become strongly aligned with one parent.
Alignment does not necessarily mean alienation.
Children naturally have different relationships with each parent. A child might temporarily gravitate toward one parent because of personality, age, routine, emotional comfort or other circumstances.
The legal concern becomes more significant when the alignment appears connected with inappropriate pressure, manipulation or interference with the child's relationship with the other parent.
We discuss aligned and rejected parents in greater detail in another article in this series.
What Is a Rejected Parent?
A rejected parent is a parent whom a child strongly resists or refuses to see.
Again, the label describes the relationship—it does not explain why the rejection occurred.
A rejected parent could be experiencing the effects of inappropriate influence by the other parent.
Alternatively, the parent's own conduct may have contributed to the damaged relationship.
Sometimes both parents' behaviour contributes to the situation.
How Can Courts Determine What Is Happening?
Some cases require professional assistance.
Depending upon the circumstances, Alberta family proceedings may involve:
- Views or Voice of the Child interventions;
- parenting assessments;
- parent psychological evaluations;
- child counsel;
- therapeutic interventions;
- parenting experts; or
- other Court-directed processes
The correct intervention depends upon the question requiring investigation.
A Voice of the Child report, for example, is not automatically an assessment of parental alienation.
Can Text Messages and Emails Be Evidence?
Potentially.
Communications can sometimes demonstrate how parents speak about one another, whether parenting time is being facilitated, and how disputes concerning the child are handled.
Other relevant evidence may include:
- parenting calendars;
- school records;
- medical records where relevant and admissible;
- communications concerning exchanges;
- professional reports;
- prior Court orders;
- witness evidence; and
- evidence concerning repeated interference with parenting time
Parents should resist the temptation to manufacture evidence or interrogate children.
What Should a Parent Do If a Child Refuses Parenting Time?
A parent should take the refusal seriously without immediately placing responsibility on the child.
Depending upon the circumstances, useful steps may include:
- documenting what occurred;
- communicating calmly with the other parent;
- avoiding arguments in front of the child;
- reviewing the existing parenting order or agreement;
- seeking appropriate professional assistance; and
- obtaining legal advice where the refusal becomes persistent or serious
A parent should also consider whether there are genuine safety concerns underlying the child's behaviour.
Can a Court Change Parenting Arrangements Because of Alienation?
Potentially.
Where the Court concludes that the existing arrangement is not serving the child's best interests, it has significant authority over parenting arrangements.
In serious cases, a Court may consider substantial changes.
However, changing a child's primary residence or substantially altering parenting arrangements is a serious remedy. The result depends upon the evidence and the child's best interests—not simply the use of the word “alienation.”
What Is Reunification Therapy?
Where a parent-child relationship has broken down, therapeutic intervention may sometimes be considered to help rebuild the relationship.
Whether reunification therapy is appropriate depends upon why the relationship deteriorated.
If there are legitimate safety concerns or family violence, those issues must be carefully considered before attempting to restore contact.
Ulasi Law Group discusses reunification therapy separately in this Family Law Knowledge Series.
Avoid Putting the Child in the Middle
Parents dealing with these cases should remember that a child's rejection of a parent can itself be emotionally distressing for the child.
Children should not become investigators, witnesses, messengers or decision-makers for their parents.
Where possible, parents should avoid:
- asking the child to report on the other household;
- criticizing the other parent;
- discussing affidavits or Court proceedings;
- asking the child which parent they prefer;
- rewarding rejection of the other parent; or
- pressuring the child to defend either parent
Speak With an Edmonton Family Lawyer About Parental Alienation or Estrangement
Cases involving alleged parental alienation and estrangement are often among the most difficult parenting disputes.
The appropriate response depends upon understanding why the parent-child relationship has deteriorated.
Ulasi Law Group assists parents in Edmonton and throughout Alberta with complex parenting disputes involving alienation allegations, estrangement, children's views, parenting assessments, parenting orders and enforcement.
Contact Ulasi Law Group to discuss your circumstances with an Edmonton family lawyer.
This article provides general legal information only and does not constitute legal advice.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is parental alienation?
The term generally refers to a situation where a child's resistance or rejection of a parent is alleged to result from inappropriate influence or behaviour rather than legitimate reasons arising from the child's relationship with that parent.
What is the difference between alienation and estrangement?
Alienation generally involves an allegation of inappropriate influence contributing to the child's rejection. Estrangement generally refers to a damaged relationship where the child's resistance has an understandable basis in experiences with the rejected parent.
Does a child refusing to visit prove parental alienation?
No. The reason for the refusal must be examined.
Can family violence cause estrangement?
It can. Family violence, fear and other harmful experiences can affect the parent-child relationship and must be considered carefully.
Can an Alberta court change parenting arrangements because of alienation?
Potentially, where the evidence establishes that a change is in the child's best interests.
Can reunification therapy be ordered?
Therapeutic interventions may be considered in appropriate circumstances, but suitability depends upon the facts, including any safety concerns.
Should I ask my child why they refuse to see the other parent?
Parents should be careful not to interrogate or pressure children. Where resistance is serious or persistent, professional and legal advice may be appropriate.